There are tons of corny quotes about the fact that you should have low or zero expectations in life. It’s like a dumb hype train that somehow got momentum and now it’s taken over the world. At first, I didn’t get it but now I do. Recently somebody contacted me and showed me a print screen of a PowerPoint of a university course. It was about setting low expectations. I couldn’t believe it when I read it. I couldn’t read this kind of nonsense although the intention was right.
Man, I was so glad that I dropped out of college, they taught us stuff like that as well. Setting low expectations might not hurt you in the short run, I mean how could it, you expect nothing but it’ll hurt you big time in the long run. This is a classic example of short-term gratification that leads to long-term frustration. You avoid the pain in the short-run (this is what you believe) but you’ll face the pain twice as hard in the long run. So we’re going to challenge your beliefs here! Something that you might have avoided for a long time now.
So you want to live a life without expectations?
Are you sure? Have you ever thought about this? Everybody is claiming that you shouldn’t do it but look at how those people live. All the people who’ve mocked or told me to forget about my goals had one thing in common. Their lives were stagnant. Those people were miserable and suffering but they couldn’t do anything about it because nobody expects them too and I doubt that they expect themselves to do something about it. They’re so unhappy because they’re not growing. Growth equals happiness but can you guess what you have to do when you want to grow as a person or together with a person?! That’s right you expect certain things from yourself and even from others. The happiest people just set a high standard for themselves and others.
I can predict your life if you never set expectations.
There are unwritten things that society expects you to do. Stuff like getting a job after college (whoops failed at that one), settle down at 25 (I had a break up at 25 and I turn 26 the 21st of December). So people live up to these or at least try to of course. Just be a good boy/girl and go to work, earn a paycheck, marry someone you find attractive, be unhappy in the relationship (are you even surprised?!), retire at 65 and then you’ve got 20 to 30 years to regret everything you did the past 65 years. Because you’ll regret a lot if you didn’t live up to your dreams. You’ll reflect on your life for sure but it’s too late to change it then. Most opportunities are long gone so you’d better make the most out of the remaining time.
Now some people can live with this. Some like their job and some have a good spouse because they work hard to make it work.
Those people are the minority for sure.
Why people shy away from expectations.
I had set some goals this year and you know how many I’ve achieved? Zero. But were they possible? They just didn’t happen but I learned my lessons. I wanted to fight twice this years and that would have been possible but not in the gym that I trained in. I waited too long to change camps. Aside from that, I wanted to sell 365 ebooks but I got stuck at a handful. The last goal was to meet the woman of my dreams. I met somebody out of a sudden but we decided to pull the plug 4 weeks later. It was then that I realized that I wouldn’t be able to tick off the 3 boxes that I wanted to tick off. So all is failed and expectations suck right?
Not quite.
What’s a disappointment?
Well not quite because I’m not disappointed. I set out goals that I wanted to achieve and I did everything to make them happen. That’s what got me up at 6 in the morning to work my ass off. I didn’t achieve those 3 things but I learned a lot of great lessons this year which makes things interesting for 2019. Because I’ll set goals again and I’m determined to crush them this time. Maybe I am different than most people, who know, or maybe I’m just a kid that doesn’t want to give up and will do everything to get what he wants. I’m mentally a lot tougher than I was at the beginning of the year and I met a lot of great people just by setting expectations.
People want the glamour but not the pain when they ‘fail’. You can’t fail when you set low standards but you can’t fail when you learn a lesson either. Guess who’s going happily in 2019? That’s right I am and I achieved nothing that I wanted because everything that could go wrong went wrong this year. This year was a bad one in comparison to the 2 previous ones.
Expectations, the forbidden word.
People just don’t know how to have expectations, let me explain. I expect everything when I set my expectations so that means that I can succeed at everything but also achieve nothing. Those are both possibilities and I’m aware that I’ll have to face pain when I didn’t achieve a single thing. Well, I faced the pain and it was okay, to be honest. I cried of frustration, accepted the pain, learned some lessons, turned that pain into fuel and got back to work because life goes on and so do I.
Most people expect to get everything they want right away and that’s why they’re shying away from expectations. They mostly fail at first (duh!) and then they give up. They don’t learn a lesson and never try again. It was bad luck and this life will suck for them. Well, that victim mindset will never get you set! Don’t shy away from your fate! Love your fate and move on because the obstacle is the way. The only way to get what you want is to keep going forward. You need to create momentum!
Expectations, friends, dating, co-workers.
Friends.
I expect certain things from my friends but they expect the same things from me. They take ownership of their life and I do the same for mine but we’re always there for each other. My friends tell me when I would do things that aren’t right and they should as well! They keep me accountable for my actions just as I like to do.
I mean just imagine that you’ve got that one friend who always gets in trouble and then calls you to solve his problems. It might happen once but this is an issue month down the road. Then it just turns into abusive behavior. That would be toxic. One person never learns a lesson and the other plays a good friend but is miserable as fuck. It sounds like the perfect friendship (it’s not).
I don’t have a lot of friends but the ones that I’ve got are everything to me. Setting expectations for friendships gave me less but better friendships. All the drama queens (male and female )just removed themselves out of my life.
Dating/relationships
Now some people might assume that I’m going to diss the girl that I dated recently. I get why it’s because I’m pretty outspoken but I’m not going to diss her because there’s no reason too. It was fun while it lasted that’s all I have to say about it. But yes; I expect certain things in a relationship. I expect a woman to leave her phone in her purse when we meet, be thoughtful and honest, ask me if I want a drink if she’s going to get one. It’s about common courtesies. It’s about really caring about the other person. I seriously doubt that a woman is interested if she’s constantly checking her phone while you’re on a date. I would just walk away, that’s disrespectful.
How do you mean I can’t?! Not with friends or a relationship?
And then people are like “you can’t expect things from other people in a relationship”. Sure I can. Because my future wife can do it as well. She should expect that I open the door for her, offer my coat when it’s cold, take care of her when she had a bad day and so on. You just need to be able to communicate and you can make every relationship work. Expectations work as long as they not surreal. They make you both strive to be a better person/friend and a better partner. Is that a bad thing?! I don’t think so! I’ve got a fearless attitude and I’m not afraid to say and go after what I want.
You might not be that kind of person and that’s fine but don’t expect us to be friends or in a relationship when you don’t have the same attitude. It doesn’t work like that. I want to strive forward in everything that I do and people who don’t have expectations stagnate. So I keep getting ahead day by day and soon they’re out of sight and forgotten. I expect people to be nice, honest, thoughtful and so on. That’s a handful these days for some reason. Probably because it takes an effort to become a person like that.
Something that I learned from another couple.
I know a great couple, well more than one but I know more people who’re unhappy together. You know why? The ones who’re happy expect certain things from each other. They grow together while the other couples grow apart. The other couples are just about having one and they can’t stand the thought of being alone. Can you guess which ones are the most active on social media? That’s right the unhappy ones.
Co-workers.
I take ownership when I fuck up at my job but most other people blame others or circumstances. Then they waste a ton of time to get something done. Just admit that you were wrong and fix it. I do this and I suggest you do the same. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help but there’s something wrong with blaming others. Just my opinion though.
Expectations are not a bad thing if you have the right perspective.
I get a lot of shit from people because they claim that I expect too much but do I? So I noticed that only the people who stagnate and prefer to remain comfortable claim these things. I mean why is this a bad thing?! I want the best for me but I also want the best for people who want the best for me. Isn’t that a good thing? We lift each other instead of letting each other down! We just get better as a team.
People who don’t understand this try to hide things and you can’t hide things when you’re friends or in a relationship. The sky isn’t the limit because we’ve been already on the moon. It’s time to reach new heights in our relationships and goal chasing! So maybe we should set expectations? Maybe we should want the best for ourselves and others?! Doesn’t that sound like common sense?! People who claim that I’m demanding have completely missed the point. Do you want to clean up after you fuck up friends all the time or feel disappointed because your partner only cares about what they want?! You just have to know when you’re allowed to set them and when not too.
So you never set low expectations?
Low expectations work though. They work when you go to a party, have a first date (not every date will work out) or go to an amusement park (you know what I mean). Having low expectations might work in those situations but it doesn’t work when it comes to relationships with people or your life/goals in general. That kind of modesty is the downfall of a relationship because what will you do if someone starts to walk over you and disrespects you? You can’t confront them because having low expectations means that you’re afraid that you might get hurt or hurt the other so you accept the behavior. Well guess what now you’re hurt as well but you just won’t admit it. You’re experiencing hollow happiness right now which is sadness.
Growth comes from periods of pain. I’ve never grown during the good times and although the bad times suck they’re not that bad. Those are the ones who took me and relationships with other people to the next level. So people who set low expectations are either afraid of pain or they’re afraid of success and good things. Some people believe that they don’t deserve good things, which is a dangerous mindset. You deserve good things and to be treated right so act accordingly!
Expectations: learn from me.
I didn’t achieve the things that I wanted but I was somehow prepared for it as well. It wasn’t fun to realize this but hey that’s life. I won’t date anymore this year and I won’t fight anymore either. I’ll probably won’t sell enough books either but it was a fucking great year because the journey was priceless and the lessons will last for a lifetime.
I’m a better, tougher, more joyful and more confident person. It was a defining year for me when it comes to personal growth. So expectations are really beautiful because you either grow as a person and face obstacles or achieve them and grow as a person. You win either way so why shouldn’t you set high expectations?
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.-Samuel Beckett
Expectations: what’s the recap of your year?
So what’s the recap of your year? Was it a success or not? I just realized something last Friday. My expectations weren’t high enough, to be honest. Fighting twice was possible if I changed gyms sooner (I’m 2-0 in canceled fights), selling the books was possible if I had met my mentor earlier and meeting the woman of my dreams was possible as well. There are 365 days in a year and I’ve met a lot of people this year. You just have to fail to succeed. Why would I give up if I was almost there and why would you? The question is: how bad do you want it? What are you willing to do?
How hard are you willing to fight? You can put 90% in or 120% in and I’m going to put 120% even before 2019 starts. Because I’ve set the bar higher now! The focus isn’t on the outcome but rather on the process this time.
If I succeed, I succeed and if I fail, I fail. I can even get injured during the process. I just don’t care. I’m just going to enjoy every single second of it.
Develop the mindset of a winner! Set those high expectations.
I don’t know about your year but somehow I feel I vibe that things are about to turn and you know why? Because I use something that I didn’t use before. I use the mindset of a winner. Now I’m armed with a packed of life experience so I say what I’m set out to do and I don’t think about the negative stuff as much. You only focus on making the outcome more positive than in 2018. I’m going to fail in 2019 as well so I’d better prepare for it and make the most out of it.
If you want to be successful you have to act like you’re already successful. You prep the body and the mind for success. So don’t compare yourself to others. Bring the best version of you to 2019 and make it work. Get after it and get after it right now! Internalize your pain and turn it into fuel because you’ll never crush goals if you don’t set expectations. But that’s something that they’ll never teach you in college/university.
In conclusion: Expectations.
I think everybody has expectations but few are brave enough to admit it and live up to them. That’s why they’re so disappointed in life. Neglecting your own needs is dangerous for your happiness!
So what do we do when people tell us to lower our expectations?
We tell them to raise their standards in life and be honest with themselves!
Enjoy the holidays!
This is Alex and I’m signing out.
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Alex
