People who’re passive and indecisive never take the decisions they should in life. They treat life as a spectators sport and that’s why they see their whole life fly by before they know it. Some people are lucky and their life turns around but the majority will be forever unhappy. It’s pretty sad but it’s also reality. I remember a time when I was like that. I was going with the flow and followed what people told me to do. So I picked a course in college because people told me that I’d be a great fit for me. Sadly enough these people didn’t know me well. I was passive and indecisive until I turned 23. Everything changed after that including how I felt.
The passive and indecisive are forever unhappy.
You have to decide what you want in life and get after it. That’s the secret to being happy but it’s also a hard thing to do. 100% of people have a dream but not a lot of people will go beyond dreaming. They say things like “I’ll do X when Y happens”. Life turns into a waiting game which is accompanied by the negative feeling called unhappiness. How could you be happy?! You want something completely else than you have now but you wait for permission to get it. Of course, you’re unhappy! You’re unhappy because you try to play by the rules. And only the fools play by the rules.
Society makes you run on autopilot.
Society has already a plan for you, just like your family members. You go to school, graduate, go to college and so on. You know the drill. You’re doing what you’re told and might keep doing it until you retire. This means that you form bad habits and a clouded form of thinking which makes sure you’re stuck in the system. It’s what you’re supposed to do and everyone is doing it so you’re doing the right thing. Allegedly.
There is a lot of pressure.
Friends and family will tell you what’s best for you. They’ll tell you what to think, study, who you need to date, who your friends should be and so on. This makes sure that you’re surrounded by like-minded people so you never question your current reality. I still remember when I started to question all of it. I dropped out of college when I was 23 while I had one more year left before I would graduate. People pushed me to finish the year and I refused because I saw it as a waste of time.
Why would I throw away a year of my life doing something that I hated? I wasn’t living life, I was living a lie. I was lying to myself and knew it but never admitted it to myself. No wonder I was depressed, I hated my life because I never did what I wanted. This all changed when I figured out what I wanted and permitted myself to get after it.
A lot of people go through this depressing phase but they never act on it. They never act on it until…
The passive and indecisive and the inevitable midlife crisis.
I never really believed in a midlife crisis as a normal thing. It isn’t, to be honest. Only people who play by society’s rules suddenly go berserk for a while until they realize they made a mistake. Decisions based on emotions are mostly bad ones because they’re not calculated. They either do that or push the negative feelings even deeper down. Escaping negative feelings is the worst thing you can do, they’re there for a reason. That’s what most people do though. They have ways to escape reality like alcohol, drugs…
The passive and indecisive can still turn their life around.
Don’t worry we’ll end this post on a positive note. You can still turn your life around. It’s never too late, it’s always right on time.
Here’s a rule of thumb: people might try to make decisions for you but they won’t be in your best interest. I experienced this first hand when I returned to Belgium after living in Thailand for 3 months. I knew I didn’t want to stay but my family had different plans for me. They wanted me to get a good job, stay in Belgium, stop fighting, buy a nice apartment and so on. “At least you had it” was a commonly used phrase when they referred to my trip. 3 months later I was back on the plane to Thailand not knowing when I would return.
My family didn’t get it but that was only because they never asked themselves what would have been good for me. Everything they wanted for me was in their best interest.
What do you want?
It’s easy to say what you don’t want. The issue that most people have is that they define that and then end up where they didn’t want to be. This might sound odd but it isn’t that odd. They never focus on what they wanted. I always say “energy grows where focus goes”.
Here’s an example to prove my point. Imagine you’re driving a car and you lose control. On your left, there’s a dog and you’re heading towards that dog. What do you focus on? The dog or the road?
The answer should be the road. You’ll never avoid the dog if you focus on it.
There is no better time to figure out what you want in life. The whole world is in quarantine so you have a lot of time on your hands. So find a quiet place, a piece of paper, a pen. Now ask yourself: what do you want? What would you like to do that makes you happy? What would set your soul on fire? Don’t think about the opinion of others. Think only about what you want.
Decide what you want and act upon it. Your happiness will follow.
You can always work with me if you can’t figure it out. I have some shortcuts to find out what you really want.
Don’t forget to buy my latest book: “The Year Of The Alpha: 366 Lessons On Adding Meaning To Your Life! It’ll take your life from Zero To Alpha. (you can buy it here)
Till next time
Alex
