So It’s exactly one year ago since I quit my soul-sucking job. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was working at a desk job for about 1 year and 4 months and was 10-15 minutes late every single day. The fact that it was a 15 min bike ride didn’t seem to matter. The fact that I was late didn’t seem to matter either. They didn’t care and I didn’t care. I guess it worked out in the end. But that one day was different; I left for work 40 minutes ahead, yet that bike ride was the longest one of my life. I felt my heart pounding in my chest all the way through. That’s the funny thing about this whole story: I knew that I was doing the right thing, yet somehow, the pressure was all over me. It must have been that I had flirted with the idea for 3 months, yet being scared of other people’s reactions made me anxious.
When I finally arrived at the office, I asked my boss to talk in private; I told her I wanted to quit and that I was traveling to Thailand. I had booked everything beforehand just in case they would try to convince me to stay (which they did). It made sense that they tried because I left during the busiest part of the year. They told me that my life was over but in reality, it was just getting started. In the past year, I have spent more time abroad than in my home country and all I can say is that the adventure just has started.
My goal with today’s blog is to talk about all the things people said and how none of them were true, how they had everything wrong. Besides that, I will also debunk some common ideas that might hold you back when they shouldn’t.
I’ll be the biggest loser on planet earth if I quit my job.
I was 23 when I dropped out of college and that was already a big scandal. Quitting my job at 26 turned that into a full-blown atomic bomb. Some people told me: “you’re 26 and you still don’t know what you want? I hope it’s just a phase you’re going through.”
People claimed I had no vision or purpose in life because I didn’t want to live a life like them. Turns out they’re the ones who have no purpose in life. They are just able to hide behind the fact that they do what everyone does. They assume that they do the right thing because everyone is doing it.
The reality of having a purpose is that you just have to look at how people spend their free time or holidays. Most people are bored and have no clue how to spend their time. People who’re doing everything to avoid boredom have no purpose whatsoever.
Who comes up with this stuff?!
Like seriously, who comes up with this stuff? In theory, they had a valid point (if you apply what is socially accepted): 26, single, living at home, no degree, just quit his job, had about 8 jobs in 3 years… But surprisingly, quite a few people struggle with this. Everybody expects you to do certain things at a certain age. For example, The idea that you have to settle down by XX age is probably one of the most toxic ones right now, and that’s just to name one. All these socially accepted standards put so much pressure on people that they forget to live life. They’re in a constant state of fear because other people won’t accept other points of view.
People don’t like to be judged so their whole way of thinking gets clouded by the noise of expectations from other people (family, friends,…).
To my family there were only 2 options:
- get a degree and a career
- be a failure (in their eyes)
The moment I quit that hideous job, I became the latter to them.
Giving up everything, including the soul-sucking job… allegedly.
According to the general public, I had it all: I was working in a nice, well-known family company, I was seeing a girl approved by family members and it all seemed to be rolling. Doesn’t sound too bad at 26 right?! Yet it didn’t feel right for me. But it’s not gold everything that shines: my boss treated employees like shit, we clashed on a couple of occasions. The girl that I dated wasn’t someone for me; she was nice but not the kind of girl that would stand by my side until I got where I wanted to be. If anything, that job and she were making sure that I was getting further away from my goal. It took me quite some time to figure this one out. I had all these ideas in my head which made sense at the time yet in the end, they were just excuses to stay comfortable. The reality was that I was rejecting myself and my dreams.
So I stopped rejecting myself and my dreams…
Hey Alex, you’re addicted to rejection.
I always told myself that I would quit my job if I made it. This was just me rejecting myself, the job took away a lot of mental energy and time that I could have spent better (on training for example). That’s why at one point I decided to leave it all. I could have stayed because a lot of people said my life was great (the job, the girl,…). But all that stuff would have made me way more miserable down the line. It just didn’t feel right but I couldn’t pinpoint the source as I was having some brain fog. That brain fog made it worse but was also a blessing in disguise. Not long after the brain fog started I injured myself in training so I hit up my osteopath (who is a friend and mentor as well). He quickly figured out that I had a magnesium deficiency and soon after we started talking about how my life was going.
I told him everything and he just bluntly told me that I was addicted to rejection. He gave me a lot more information to work with and that started everything. I think it took me like 2 weeks to go from this state to have the guts to quit my job and do what I wanted.
That wasn’t easy because I was giving up a job which provided me security and money that I needed. But the idea felt right so I acted upon it. Was I afraid? Hell yes, but I was so happy when I did it. In the end, people assume they know it all but they have no clue how you feel. Which is funny because the amount of shit I got was insane. Luckily none of the things they said happened.
This, this and that is going to happen if you quit your job.
Before I left,t people said a lot of things but these were my favorites:
- No girl will ever want to date you.
- well, at least you had it.
- You’ll never find a job again.
No woman will ever want to date you.
When I quit and left it all behind, someone told me that no woman would ever want to date me. This goes back to the “biggest loser on planet earth thing”. This was based on the fact that I had quit a job and decided to leave all behind to become a professional fighter.
Some people claim this isn’t how you should live life, they assume you’re going through to mental breakdown or something. You travel and don’t have a job so they assume that no woman will ever want to date you because to them you’re a giant loser. They then keep on asking when you’ll stop playing around and start being an adult.
Here’s the reality: quantity might have gone down but the quality is up. Not complaining about that one, to be honest.
You’ll never find a job again.
I lived 3 months on a tropical island in Thailand but I also promised that I’d return for a family member’s birthday. I quickly regretted that promise but I decided to stick to my word. So I went home and had to find something to get by. I found a job rather easy and worked as a mailman for about 4 weeks. They treated everyone like shit so I told them that I quit and it felt amazing. No need to stick to jobs where people are treated poorly. After that, I worked as a dishwasher for 4 weeks. And after that, you ask? Well after that I was back on a plane towards Thailand.
Well, at least you had it.
A lot of people were pretty jealous of what I’d done and they started pressuring me as soon as I got home. Most of them told me “well you had a fight and lived abroad. Now you can stay in Belgium and live a normal life again.” It was funny because for me this was just the beginning. I just needed to figure out some stuff. They also made the transition to leave again rather easy, which they still don’t understand to this day.
There and quickly back again.
Staying in Belgium wasn’t an option for me. I quickly hated my life because I realized that it wasn’t real life at all. The majority of people might believe this but it isn’t. That flight home alone was horrible, the last thing I wanted was being on that plane. So I was quickly looking for opportunities to return. Eventually, I got an offer to try out for sponsorship in an MMA gym in Thailand. It took me 3 months to leave Belgium again and it took me 3 months because I needed to make some money first. I would have probably left 2 weeks after my return if I’d had the money.
The only difference between the first time and the second time is that I didn’t make a promise to come back. This time I went all out.
I’m in one of the most incredible periods of my life right now.
There was a lot of noise regarding my second departure from Belgium. People didn’t get it but it didn’t matter to me. I prioritized my happiness and assumed that at one point they would grow up and stop trying to manipulate me. In the end, saying things like “I will be happy if you do this” is a horrible thing to say to others. You make people feel bad for making their own choices, which is crazy to me. You’d be happy whatever a person does if you love them.
They were offended because I chose me over them but prioritizing my happiness resulted in one of the best periods of my life so far. Only because I decided to do something different. I decided to invest in what I love rather than following what I love. In the end, life is too short to live a pretended life chosen by others. I always knew that I didn’t want a normal life and wanted to fight. That was already in my head since I was 8. My environment just didn’t believe in it. They wanted me to be normal and to fit in.
By not fitting in I have:
- met incredible people
- had multiple people praising me for living the dream (MY dream)
- Lived on a tropical island in Thailand for 6 months
- Lived in Chiang Mai (the second biggest city in Thailand) for 3 months
- Got 2 Muay Thai fights
- realized that the normal lifestyle is stressful and unnatural
- Grown immensely as a person
- …
The fact that I dedicated a tattoo to this date should say more than enough to be honest.
The amount of personal growth is insane.
I had a lot of personal growth before I quit my job but it was limited too because of my lifestyle. I didn’t have a lot of time because I was running this blog, training twice a day and working 34 hours a week. But was always on and never found the off button. This changed as I quit my job. I had a lot more time to improve as a person (except the 6 daily hours well spent at the gym, of course). I’ve grown a lot, especially during the second trip: I lost the second fight and had a few experiences that made me think beyond the horizon (might write on this in the future). So I was doing good but wasn’t doing great because I still had noise in my life. I got rid of all of that in the 3 weeks following my defeat. I made sure I cleaned up all my surroundings.
People right now have no clue what happened but they can see the difference. It went to the point where I hit in sparring, which resulted in a bloody nose, and one of my training partners said: “well at least we have proof he’s human now”. This would have never happened should I have stayed at that desk job.
It’s easy for you to talk.
I like it when people go: “it’s easy for you to talk. You live on a tropical island doing nothing”. Somehow I have to remind those people that training hours in a day is fun but I don’t get paid by the hour to do it. They have a secure lifestyle. Mine is less predictable but I love it. So this brings me to the last topic of this blog. More people want to do something like this but have these “fears” that are just made up in your head. None of them makes sense so here are some tips:
Focus on your needs instead of your wants.
Always make sure you have some savings before you go on an adventure like this and after that, you have to play it smart. So many people go live abroad in a luxurious place and then wonder why they can’t do it long term. I live in a cheap room that costs me 3500 bhat a month. The room is part of a house where 4 more people live (each in a separate room). There is no airconditioning and other fancy stuff. I have a mattress and a small table. That’s all I need. I just cover the basic needs and I’m freaking happy. Of course, I want an old school Mustang but that doesn’t mean I’m going to buy it right now.
Look at all the stuff you have and think about how much of that stuff you need. Nobody needs a laptop, tablet, smartphone and so on. You can sell most of that unneeded stuff and get some extra cash.
In the end, you don’t need a lot to happy. You think you do but you don’t. Maybe it’s time that you start challenging your beliefs?! I mean, why would you need to live luxurious when you don’t have to money to do it?! To impress other people? Stuff to think about…
What if people judge me?!
Most people are afraid of the judgment of others and it’s easy to avoid. Just do what others do, don’t speak and breathe. People will judge you as soon as you do something different. You’ll be labeled as weird, stupid, different, biggest loser on planet earth and so on. But ask yourself the following questions:
- Do people who love you judge you?
- Do happy people support you or put you down?
The answer to the first question is no and the answer to the second question is that they will support you. Sometimes we get overwhelmed by the noise of doubters while there are also people who support you. You’d be surprised who’s got your back. I can assure you that some people surprised me.
The main takeaway is that people always will be there to judge you. That doesn’t mean that you have to listen. Most of them are jealous deep down inside. It’s the crabs in the bucket mentality. You try to get out and they try to pull you back in. Some people just like to be unhappy together instead of taking the action required to better their lives.
So that leaves me asking you the following questions:
- How long before you realize that you can’t put your happiness on the backburner?
- Why are you waiting on miracles, signs and so on to permit yourself to do what you want?!
- Do you want to wait until you end up on your death bed to figure out you missed out on a lot of opportunities to live a better life?
I want to make a change but I’m afraid.
All big decisions are scary because they get you straight out of your comfort zone. The fact that you feel fear is normal. That doesn’t mean it should hold you back. One of the things fighting thought me is that all feelings are there for a reason but that you can turn them around as well. This is something that I did before my second fight. I got nervous during the normal day but then I started to feel my stomach. Funny enough, I almost pucked and cried. I quickly realized that I felt like that since I had prepared a special walkout. I was suffering from performance anxiety and that’s similar to fire. It can either ignite you or burn you down. It took me an hour to get from almost puking to feeling excited. Funny right?!
The same goes for your fears. Why be afraid?! Shouldn’t you be excited about the upcoming adventures?! The feeling is similar, the mindset isn’t. Feelings come and go. You can turn them around and use them to your advantage. Sometimes you just have to breathe and realize everything will be ok.
I won’t make money.
This one is pretty funny to me. People come up with these weird excuses and assume it’s true while they aren’t. It’s 2020, you can earn so much money online these days and probably a lot more than you’re earning right now. You don’t even have to start a blog. You can teach your native tongue (use Preply for that), make money filling in surveys, make money watching and reviewing Netflix shows… The options are endless with the internet. Just use Google. You’ll be surprised how much money you could make just online.
Do that in combination with the fact that you focus on your needs and boom you’ll hit the jackpot. You’ll live a dreamlife. In the end, the money will come if you have a plan. It’ll just take some time since there is no such thing as an overnight success.
In conclusion: the soul-sucking job.
I remember that I would look at other people on Instagram living the dream while I was being unhappy behind my computer. Always wondering if I could do it while making excuses why I wouldn’t do it. At one point I told myself that I could always quit when it was less busy at work. I just realized that it didn’t matter. I was replaceable just like everybody else. In the end, they could have fired me whenever they wanted not caring if it was busy or not. The fact that they found a replacement for me in 3 days proves this point. I was there to make someone else achieve their dream while putting mine aside.
What will it be?!
So what will it be?
Will you live life or reject yourself until you can’t take it anymore or decide to drink the unhappiness away?!
The choice is yours because, in the end, you’re the source of your own (un)happiness.
The Zero To Alpha clarity calls.
From now on I offer targeted one-hour calls. You cand send me an issue you have via mail. I see whether I can help or not. I don’t want your money if I can’t help you. But if I can help you, we can set up a date and talk about the price.
I’m pretty sure that the answer to most questions is already answered in one of my 2 books (check them out here) or in one of the 412 blog posts that I’ve written so you can check those out as well. In the end, it’s up to you. I’ll help you if I can help you but there’s a price tag attached to it or you skim this blog and the internet looking for answers. Works either way. Topics can vary from training to fighting, mindset, nutrition, women, fears in life…
These clarity calls will help you big time because you’ll walk in the footsteps of someone else. You basically can learn from someone who’s done it already and do the same thing. What are you waiting for?! Life doesn’t wait for no one and nothing and neither should you.
Take action now and get in touch with me via mail here.
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Till next time
Alex
