Today we’re going to talk about your ex or exes whatever. I don’t care about other people’s love lives, to be honest. I hope that they’re doing fine but I hate it when they start to brag or complain about their (past) relations. But I even hate it, even more, when they start to ask questions like: should I get back together with my ex. It’s like somebody has punched all the sense out of some people. Or they killed their brain cells because they’ve indulged too much alcohol. Seriously some people act like toddlers but they’re trapped in a grown-up body. I seriously started to wonder if they would stop nagging if I’d give them a pacifier. Anyway, I’m going to solve this issue once and for all.
So let me tell you how it’s going to go down. I’m going to tell you the truth and you won’t like it. You’ll be mad at me and even hate me but that’s okay. Just create a Facebook page where people can hate on me. Don’t forget to invite as many people as possible. Just make sure that you link to my blog. I would hate to miss an opportunity to promote my blog. Now that’s what I call the subtle art of not giving a flying fuck.
The ex- files: are you completely doomed?
Are you doomed? Well probably since most people can’t think straight anymore. This post is going to consist of 4 big questions and an in-depth answer of course. The 4 questions are:
- should I get back together with an ex (nope)
- the reasons why most people even consider it (too many reasons but not a single solid one)
- why do you keep dating the same type of girl (this is going to be fun)
- What to do when you consider dating ex again? (get some common sense?)
Now before we dive into this blog post I wanted to share some common sense. Most people hate their ex and that’s just wrong. Ex is short for example and exit in my opinion. It didn’t work and you should have learned a lesson and moved on. Most people never learn the lesson and never move on. They just hate on the past and don’t realize that you were always together in it. A relationship consists of 2 people so you’re both equally to blame. Most people ego can’t handle this and that’s why these people don’t grow.
Others do anything to win the other person back and that’s a repulsive thing. I seriously wonder why I have to explain this to people. You should be able to bump into a past relationship without feeling any hate. I would even ask how she’s doing. Nobody ever got better from hating on people.
Should I get back together with an ex?
The answer is pretty simple: no! You can give me tons of different scenarios and what-ifs but the answer will always remain no. The reason is pretty simple: you dumped or got dumped for a reason. There was something that wasn’t working or you just couldn’t live together. I seriously wonder why you should try it again to be honest. Everything will be sunshine and rainbows when you get back together until the ghosts from the past suddenly return. That’s when you’ll notice that it wasn’t such a good idea.
But there’s another reason. Most exes return because their new relation wasn’t good enough. The grass is always greener on the other side remember. So they try to get you back and you let it happen. Such girls are walking over you. You’ll probably get dumped again as soon as things go wrong and she’ll meet a new guy who looks more interesting. The sad part is that you didn’t miss your ex. You just missed a good relationship. Most people never know the difference.
The reasons why most people even consider it
They can’t be alone
Most people can’t be alone and they prefer to be unhappy together than unhappy alone. I assume that we’ve got to thank social media for that one. Most people have turned into notification whores. This will wear off on your relationship. Needy people are selfish people who should get their shit together before things go wrong. You can’t ask another person to be with you 24/7. People have things to do outside of the relationship. Friends of me once asked me what I would do if I would have a girlfriend who asked me to stop training MMA. I would go to the gym since it’s better to be happy alone than unhappy together. That’s a no brainer for me.
They’re still living in the past
Some people stop developing at a certain point in time. It’s like they’re stuck but they mostly don’t even realize it. Some people haven’t changed a bit since they were 16. It’s sad but it’s even sadder when they can’t move on from a past relationship. I get it; you want to be together with “the one”. But how can you meet the one if you’re not even ready to date? Or haven’t even been in a new relationship yet? You won’t get back together with an ex if you’ve evolved as a person. You’re just the same person since you broke up. So things can become pretty awkward if you realize that you’re single for quite a while. You don’t want to realize that you are still the same person as a couple of years ago.
I once dated a girl but she didn’t want a relationship with anybody. We had a couple of dates and a great connection but we never got together. Eventually, we had a massive argument and I didn’t hear her for a while. Suddenly she contacted me again after I posted a recipe on Instagram. She invited herself to train at my home (she wanted to box). It took me 2 minutes to figure out that she hadn’t changed a bit when I saw her. She assumed that it would be easy to reignite things like back in the days but it wasn’t. It was all over for me. We never spoke again after that. But more on that later.
You haven’t been in another relationship ever since
Most people just get together with someone else as soon as the single. It’s pretty easy to meet new people all the time thanks to all the dating apps. We constantly doubt if we met the one so we keep on swiping until we eventually meet “the one”. People just don’t realize that you can’t fake a great connection. I became single around January 2014 and I haven’t been in a relationship ever since. Some people have been single a lot longer and they eventually return to old relationships or flings. They’re all looking for the one thanks to all these romantic movies. It’s not hard to realize if you met the one. But how do I know Alex? By following your gut feeling of course.
Being single is not that bad if you realize how you should spend your time wisely. I guess that most people just don’t know how to do it.
Here’s a solution: read books and forget about the looks.
You’re suffering from the nice guy syndrome
The nice guy will get dumped and he’ll offer his ex a shoulder to cry when she’s dating “jerks”. All in an attempt to win her back. It’s pretty pathetic but it might work. She’ll dump you as soon as she meets a real man. Everything is better than staying in a toxic relationship.
Why do you keep dating the same type of girl?
The inspiration for this post was a guy who kept on bragging that he had met his dream girl. The weird thing was that we eventually met her by accident later that day. It took me 5 minutes before I realized that this girl was just like this ex. She’ll be his next “crazy ex”. He just doesn’t get it and that makes it even more painful. But I get why he keeps on dating the same type of girls. He doesn’t learn anything from his past relationships. He assumes that it’s better to blame the other person and move on. Excuses will make sure that you’ll never grow. It was pretty painful when I heard him claim that he would never date his ex. You face palmed as well, didn’t you? This story is pretty painful but I’ve got a funny one as well.
A fun story that involves an ex
So I was reflecting on what I was going to write about this matter but I faced writer’s block. So I texted a good friend (she’s not an ex) and asked if she wanted to meet up to reflect on something. We decided to go to a coffee bar since that’s a good environment to talk about. We talked about it and she had the same vision. Well more or less off course. The meet up didn’t last that long since she had a date later on the day. I assumed that this would be the end of the story but it wasn’t. I got a message this morning from her. She asked me if I was going to write this post today and I got curious so I asked her why she asked.
Turns out that she was dating a guy who reminded her of her 2 exes. What are the odds that something like this happens on the same day?! We talked about it and it happened. Sometimes you attract what you need in life. She luckily made the right decision this time. Now it’s only a matter of time before she meets the right guy.
What to do when you consider dating an ex again?
Well, I wouldn’t do it since you’re just their plan B. But here’s a simple guide to avoid tons of drama. Some guys will be so happy that they’ll sleep with their ex as fast as possible. Mostly within the first 30 minutes. This is freaking dumb since you’re fucked now (get it ‘fucked’). I would make sure that you haven’t heard from each other for a couple of months. You’ll quickly notice if you’ve missed each other. Most people will realize that they didn’t miss each other. This will more likely occur with people who dated but didn’t end up in relation to some weird reason.
I would just start all over again. So take it slow and don’t kiss or sleep with each other on the first date. You don’t want to be in a relationship where you’re the only one who’s doing the effort. People need to realize that you need to work hard to maintain a great relationship.
Let’s write a conclusion to avoid confusion. The end of the ex files
Man, I loved writing this post. So most people assume that the grass is always greener on the other side. This is freaking bullshit. Be present at the moment and invest time in your grass. You just have to water it. In this way, you’ll never need to date an ex. We all make mistakes and the majority of people have one or multiple failed relationships. That relationship hasn’t failed if you learn your lessons and use these to turn your next relation into the right one. There’s no such thing as the one. Some people are smart enough to figure out that you both need to work hard to maintain a good relationship. Those people meet “the one”. I seriously wonder why people don’t get it. Probably since you didn’t learn stuff like this in school.
Anyway, I wouldn’t date someone whom I had a relationship with. It might be comfortable but nothing good comes from staying in your comfort zone. Be smart and move on. To the people who’ll try it anyway: I hate to say I told you so. You broke up for a reason. You’d probably remember it if you hadn’t indulged so much alcohol.
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Till next time
Alex
