Are you utterly depressed and do you have no clue what to do about it? You probably are since you’re reading this post. Or you’re an internet troll who just wants to spam my comment section. Maybe you’re just curious, who knows?! It doesn’t matter what your goal is, what matters is that you realize that this post isn’t going to be pretty. I suffered from depression back in the days and that wasn’t pretty but the truth about it isn’t pretty either. I also wrote a guide on how to deal with it but this one is going to be a little more straightforward. Because after 3 years I’ve been able to add some things to this guide. This is the upgraded version of the previous post. I took it from Zero To Alpha and I’m glad I did.
At the end of this post, I’ll give you some book recommendations that’ll help you out big time.
Why you’re utterly depressed: the victim mindset.
I’ve met a lot of people who came up to me and be like “I hate my job, what do I do?!”. I then tell them that they either should quit their job and find a new one or keep working at their current job while looking for another job. Some people think it’s common sense but others go into hourlong rants about the fact that I don’t understand them and their whole situation. Sometimes they bring in family problems, a dog that’s sick or died and so on. I’ve heard some weird things along the line. But truth is that none of those things were relevant to the issue at hand, the ‘I hate my job part’ on which they wanted advice.
People like to feel sorry for themselves and that’s dangerous because complaining and whining will not solve the issue at hand. Adding more irrelevant problems doesn’t make it better either. People who obtain the victim mindset should realize how dangerous it is. They should realize that they need to snap out of it and don’t link problems to each other. The fact that your dog died is sad but that didn’t turn your boss into an asshole. The ruined family bonds are sad as well but they don’t make your job soul-sucking. Deep down inside you know that but you choose to neglect it. Deep down you also know what to do but you’re asking for permission to do it.
Why don’t you just do it?! Staying in that bad situation will make you more depressed and you know it!
Why you’re utterly depressed: The obstacle is the way.
Tackle the problem at hand, in this case, the job that you hate. What do you need to do to change the situation? Do that and then you can focus on whatever other obstacles you have in life. You’ll be stuck in life as long as you keep complaining that you have an obstacle in life. The obstacle doesn’t disappear by complaining about it, it doesn’t disappear by adding extra layers to it. It will only disappear by finding a way around or over it.
This brings us to the next point. The fact that you choose how you struggle in life.
Why you’re utterly depressed: you don’t struggle.
I listened to a podcast from Joe Rogan and Aubrey Marcus and at one point they were talking about the struggle in life. Joe Rogan claimed that we are supposed to struggle in life and we can choose how we struggle. I reflected on this while I was walking on a beautiful beach in Thailand and suddenly I figured out that he was right. In Thailand I always self- imposed struggle upon myself in the gym. My life was pretty peaceful, to be honest. I didn’t have dumb drama as I had back in the days. I had obstacles off course but I got rid of all of them.
But what about people who don’t choose to struggle in the gym or somewhere else? Well, they’ll pick their struggles and in most cases, they’ll struggle with things in life. They make a huge deal out of small things because deep down they want to struggle. You choose your struggle so why not pick one that makes you happy in the long run. Struggling in the gym isn’t always fun but afterward, you feel so much better.
Struggling with dumb shit, on the other hand, will frustrate you endlessly.
I prefer to struggle while I do HIIT cardio on the airdyne bike (I hate that thing) rather than having small dumb problems that get blown out of proportions. So think about that next time you say “the solution to my problem isn’t that easy”. Maybe it is and you’re just not seeing it.
Why you’re utterly depressed: living in the past.
I’ve seen people lash out to their ex on social media and that’s not a smart move. The sad thing is that they broke up 2 years ago. That’s right, happened recently, 2 years after the break-up. That person was stuck in the past but more people are like this. Somehow they keep thinking about that one relationship that failed or that one job that you didn’t get. So they keep thinking about it all the time and guess what happens. They’re depressed because everybody else in the whole damn world/universe is living a perfect life (according to social media). They also miss out on opportunities because they keep on focusing on what they didn’t get instead of what they want.
The truth is that nobody lives a perfect life. Some people just hide the fact that they failed or come up with excuses. They live the instafake life. First of all, stop comparing yourself to others. It doesn’t work. Second of all, you need to become aware of the abundance mindset.
Why you’re utterly depressed: Enter the abundance mindset.
The abundance of what? It means that you have tons of opportunities in life. One setback doesn’t mean that you failed. It didn’t work out but next time might. You have to go from a lack- to an abundance mindset. It’s pretty easy. It’s ok if a relationship doesn’t work out. 50% of the population is female so you still have a shot at it.
You might have lost your job but there are tons of jobs out there. You’ll find a new one. This is so easy because it’s just a fact. She’s not the one and there is more than one option to fill in your dream job. You’ll be a giant pile of misery if you don’t realize this and miss out on all the opportunities ahead of you just because you decided to look back all the time. There are always possibilities if you keep your eyes open.
Your past doesn’t matter.
People seem to define their lives by their past but in reality, the past doesn’t matter. Some of the most successful people have come from some dark places and they made it. Crying about the past makes zero sense because it’s gone. You can’t change it so you better accept it and move on. It’s like I said in my latest book ” I don’t live in the past, neglect the present and dream about the future. I learn from the past, live in the present and work for the future.” See here’s the thing, what you do right now affects your future. Not what you did 15 years ago. Well unless you did something illegal 15 years ago and still have to do another 15 years from this day on. But all jokes aside, a new life starts with realizing that you have to take the right action now to create a better future.
I mean you only have right now. Past and future are just terms. You’re wasting a lot of energy by wishing that you could change things that are just gone. Stop focusing on what you did in the past and focus on what you have to do right now to create a better future. That’ll change your life forever.
Why you’re utterly depressed: You’re in bad company and that company is you.
This is where the concept karma comes in, a widely misunderstood concept these days. People think that karma works as follows: they give 10 dollars to a homeless person and expect to win the lottery. So they do something to get something in return (this is also known as nice guy behavior where guys do anything for girls just to sleep with them). We cover this later on. First, we have to understand what karma means. Karma is the law of cause and effect (this article of Bold And Determined goes into depth on this matter).
You have to realize that every action has a reaction (know as Newton’s motion law in physics but applicable in everything). So people who do bad things will feel bad afterward. Stuff like lying, cheating, backstabbing and so on will make you feel bad even if you get away with it every single time. So people who do good will feel good if they expect nothing in return. People who do bad will feel bad. It’s as easy as that. That’s why some people can’t be alone. They have to live with a lot of actions that they just can’t forget. But at some point, you have to learn to live with these actions and move on. Nobody is perfect, we all did bad things in life at one point but that doesn’t mean that you should keep doing them.
You will not pay for sins after you die, you will pay for today’s sins tomorrow- karma
The person that didn’t want to go to heaven.
Some weeks ago I met a very interesting person. We were talking about religion and suddenly he said he wanted to go to hell instead of heaven. This quote got me curious so I asked why he made that remark. I kind of liked this logic, to be honest. He said that according to the Bible Christians would go to heaven but he didn’t like most Christians because most of them weren’t good people. They weren’t good people because they wanted to. They faked it because they wanted to go to heaven while secretly doing stuff like lying, gossiping and so on.
You should be a good person because you want to be a good person and not for one or multiple external factors. Do good and you’ll feel good but you have to be authentic and expect nothing in return. Sure sometimes people will try to use you but that shouldn’t stop you from being a nice person. The person who tries to fuck you over will feel bad in the long run while you’ll maybe feel a little bad in the short run.
Why you’re utterly depressed: the subtle art of escapism.
Running away from your problems will make sure that they not only follow you, but they’ll also grow bigger and bigger as well. It’s like Jordan Peterson once said: slay the dragon while it’s still small. This means that you solve the problem as soon as possible. You don’t want to face the big dragon (trust me on this one). I and so many other people have made the mistake to try to do anything to escape problems. It’s always the same. You feel bad so you go to a party (or Netflix and chill or …) and this works for a while but suddenly reality checks in again after a while so you start to add alcohol. Then you add more alcohol and so on. In between, you cause some more problems and shit hits the fan.
There is nothing wrong with having fun but there’s something wrong with running away from your problems. The longer you wait the harder it gets. It’s like I said before, taking the right actions now might give you a better future down the line. So why are you trying to escape your problems right now?!
Why you’re utterly depressed: comparing yourself to others.
Comparing yourself to others is dangerous. You’re can’t compare yourself to somebody else timeline because we all have different walks in life. But it’s also hard to avoid doing this because of social media (just a guess). People like to showboat with certain things and others get blinded by it but we mostly don’t know the story behind it. The guy who has a nice car might have worked his ass off for years just to be able to buy it but he also might have a giant loan that he has to pay off. You don’t know those things so don’t envy people. It’ll only make you miserable.
So what to do instead: compare yourself to the version of yourself yesterday. Trying to beat the person you were yesterday will make sure that you improve every single day. After a while, you’ll make so much progress that people will start to wonder what happened to you. It’s all about taking those small actions and they lead up to the result. People mostly don’t see those actions or look the other way when you perform them. They then wonder how you did it or why you were able to change so much.
Do things at your own pace and never compare yourself to others. You’re setting yourself up for loss, frustration, and failure if you take that approach.
Why you’re utterly depressed: is that all?
There probably a lot more to the topic of being depressed that I didn’t cover but I can’t know it all. I just gathered this information based on my life. Feel free to add extra things in the comment section that I haven’t covered. You can also become part of the Zero To Alpha Facebook community and share your insight into the group.
Maybe I should have covered that chasing people that don’t want to be with you can make you depressed as well. I could have done this but it’s already a long post. Maybe I cover this part more extensively in an upcoming blog post.
Why you’re utterly depressed: some book recommendations.
I have seven books that’ll improve your life big time. Note: links are affiliate links, you don’t get charged extra. I just get a percentage if you buy through these links.
- The Laws Of Human Nature – Robert Greene
- Ego Is The Enemy- Ryan Holiday
- The Obstacle Is The Way- Ryan Holiday
- The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck – Mark Manson
- Everything Is Fucked: A Book About Hope – Mark Manson
- Unfuck Yourself- Gary John Bishop
- Stop Doing That Shit- Gary John Bishop
Note: Beware of ‘The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck Hype Train’. It’s an amazing book and people seem to dislike his second book but you just can’t compare the two. The first one is an easy read and easily digestible. The second one has a lot more depth into it and will make you reflect a lot more. It’s an amazing book though, I highly recommend this one.
Note 2: The books of Mark Manson and Gary J. Bishop should be read in the other that I recommend them. So first you read ‘Unfuck Yourself’ and then you read his second book. What I also found out is that the books go well together. First I read ‘Unfuck Yourself’ and then ‘The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck’. This year I read ‘Stop Doing That Shit’ and then ‘Everything Is Fucked’. It was twice the perfect combo but that’s just an opinion.
Why you’re utterly depressed: we’re almost done.
This blog post is part of my coaching program. I decided to give it away for free though to give you an insight into what I have to offer. The coaching program consists of three parts and rewiring the way you think is the first part of a 3 part series.
You can either contact me via mail if you’ve questions about the coaching program (click here to contact me) or you can schedule a Skype call to see if you’re a great fit for the coaching program (click here to schedule a skype call).
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The Year of the Alpha is filled with vast and important lessons for life. They are key ideas that, once lived, will change your life forever.
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And here I was thinking that society had moved on from the “Just get over it” mindset.
It is true that often people suffering depression because they don’t like their job, or their dog died or their relationship just went down the drain (as per your examples), can use things like cognitive reframing and acceptance commitment theory, basically learning how to learn, grow and move on. However, people who are clinically depressed sometimes because of a childhood of abuse, rape, neglect and violence, did not have the healthy parenting every child deserves and therefore did not learn how to love and care for themselves, how to set healthy boundaries that show them how to keep their ground when bad events or people come into their life, how to process all the emotions of that abused child, how to value themselves as worthy human beings (all these are skills that are normally taught to us by our primary care givers, they don’t just appear like magic). Moving on from the pain and teaching yourself these skills takes courage, often professional help, and a lot of time. To tell someone to “just get over it” is not only devastatingly cruel it is IGNORANT!
Before you blog about a complex and debilitating MEDICAL condition, bother to educate yourself first. You obviously see yourself as a confident, well adjusted, successful human being but you lack one thing – compassion. And that is sad indeed.
Will you take on board an alternative view or will you just delete my post? There in lies the proof of real wisdom.
You can’t cover everything in a single blog post and you can only write about what you know. Thanks for sharing your opinion though.
It seems the more you try to escape your problems, the greater they become.
Gotta face things head-on.
I’d say that a lot of people suffer ‘mental disorder’ these days because of the terrible foods as well.
Nice article man, keep up the great work!
I agree with that one! People who run away from the problem also run away from the solution! Yeah, I agree on that one. There are a lot of studies to back that one up. Thank you.
Read this, put on some music that helps u (mine would by tool or kid cudi) and it helps 🙂
that’s a great way of reading this blog. Thank you for the comment.